What are some funny sayings about life?

by Sam on February 16, 2010

One-Minute Answer:  Two weeks ago on the topic of sales you learned how important it is to build margin. A sure way to do this is to increase your power through a positive outlook.

 

There’s enough negativity in our work and in our personal lives. That negativity can extract a heavy toll. It reduces margin by increasing our load of stress. The best way to overcome that deficit is by heightening our power.

 

One of the last power builders we think of is laughter. I didn’t even remember to include it in my discussion of margin two weeks ago! How could I forget? A belly laugh releases endorphins into our system. The resulting euphoria instantly boosts our energy and thus contributes generously to our margin.

 

So let’s have some fun, and become more powerful, by making light of life.

 

 

Five-Minute Answer:  Several of these quips carry a valuable message; others are purely whimsical. Some are attributed to famous people; others to more anonymous authors. A few may strike you as hilarious; others should trigger a chuckle; some will nudge a smile. I believe you’ll enjoy them all!

 

1.   Every time I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.  ~Henny Youngman

2.   Most of us would rather risk catastrophe than read the directions.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

3.   People tell me, “Gee, you look good.” There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and “Gee, you look good.”  ~Red Skelton

4.   Any man in his 20′s who is not a liberal has no heart. Any man in his 40′s who is not a conservative has no brains.  ~Winston Churchill

5.   My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~Henny Youngman

6.   A boss is someone who’s early when you’re late and late when you’re early.  ~Unknown author

7.   No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.  ~Author unknown

8.   Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.  ~Henry Kissinger

9.   The vice presidency is like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won’t take it, but then somebody always does.  ~Bill Vaughan

10.  Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.  ~Erma Bombeck

11.  When I was a kid my parents moved a lot—but I always found them.  ~Rodney Dangerfield

12.  When you come to a fork in the road, take it.  ~Yogi Berra

13.  Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.  ~Phyllis Diller

14.  We don’t seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business.  ~Will Rogers

15.  I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to.  ~Elvis Presley

16.  I don’t know what people have against the government; they’ve done nothing.  ~Bob Hope

17.  I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.  ~Groucho Marx

18.  Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.  ~Shelby Metcalf, Texas A&M basketball coach, to a player who received four F’s and a D

19.  Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”  Winston Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

20.  Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”  Winston Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”

21.  When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.  ~Author unknown

22.  Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.  ~ Victor Borge

23.  I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.  ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

24.  Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was “Shut Up.”  ~Joe Namath

25.  I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.  ~ W. C. Fields

26.  You can’t lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.  ~John Peers

27.  Whenever the urge to exercise comes upon me, I lie down for a while and it passes.  ~Robert Maynard Hutchins

28.  I’m going to stop putting things off starting tomorrow.  ~Sam Levenson

29.  An atheist is someone who has no visible means of support.  ~Author unknown

30.  Nobody eats at that restaurant any more; it’s too crowded.  ~Yogi Berra

31.  A committee of three gets things done if two don’t show up.  ~Herbert V. Prochnow

32.  Nothing is quite so annoying as someone who keeps talking when you’re trying to interrupt.  ~Author unknown

33.  The mind is a wonderful thing. It starts to work the minute you are born, and never stops until you get up to speak in public.  ~John Mason Brown

34.  Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.  ~Benjamin Franklin

35.  When one person calls you a jackass, ignore it. When three people call you a jackass, get a saddle.  ~Author unknown

36.  When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. When I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.  ~Mark Twain

 

Enough Said:  Lord, give me a sense of humor that I may take some happiness from this life and share it with others.  ~Thomas Moore

 

Do You Have One to Share?  Please send me one of your favorite witty sayings. I’ll assemble those that arrive into a future collection for the next time we take a break.

 

Next Week:  It’s time to get to work again. We’ll turn our attention to developing emerging leaders in our companies, in our schools, and in our government. See what I propose on Wednesday in answer to, “What’s the best way to equip the next generation of leaders?”

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Joe Vahey 02.19.10 at 5:35 pm

One of my favorite sayings is Mark Twain’s: “Someone who has a cat by the tail knows a lot more about cats than someone who’s read about them.”

I also like Henry David Thoreau’s: “Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only. Money is not needed for one necessary of the soul.”

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